I Blame You
by Phantasytrail
Summary: AU. She wonders if she could've ignored it longer if that one girl hadn't caught her eye. Maybe she would've gotten over the whole "I might be a little gay" thing had that beautiful girl not taken up residence in her mind.


Title: I Blame You  
Pairing(s): Santana/Brittany  
Rating: M | NC-17 _(For Future Chapters)_

Genre: Romance/Humor

_Summary: AU. She wonders if she could've ignored it longer if that one girl hadn't caught her eye. Maybe she would've gotten over the whole "I might be a little gay" thing had that beautiful girl not taken up residence in her mind._

Also, please remember that this is AU and that I know absolutely nothing of NYU or its courses/classes etc. Just… accept my imagination for reality in this story, okay =)

I also want to apologize for not updating my previous stories. I've started many (seriously) many new ones, but I just haven't had the inspiration to continue either of my 2 other posted stories =/  
Therefore I'm not going to do what I've done in the past and only write 1 chapter and then post it – but actually wait until I've finished writing a few chapters before posting a new one. Making sense? This means I have chapter 2 of this story already written and I'm now working on chapter 3 (it's like an 'just in case' type thing if I happen to lose my inspiration again) Okay, done rambling now =D

**Feel free to leave a review =) Constructive criticism, suggestions and your thoughts are always welcomed!**

* * *

You have a secret.

It's something big that you're hiding about yourself from everyone around you.

You've known about it for years but you've always managed to keep it off of your mind.

Lately though, it's becoming the only thing you can think about.

You've always been really good at finding out others' secrets and keeping them as a bargaining tool when you need something from them; holding it over their heads to make sure they don't ever cross you – and _yes,_ obviously, you're kind of a bitch – but you've learnt that it's necessary to be precautious because there are a lot of people who would love for nothing more than to tear you down.

You've managed to turn your bitch side down a notch ever since you started College though. You're trying not to be the old you; the one that always kept people at bay for fear of being hurt.  
For fear of being stepped on or made fun of – you've come a long way since being that skinny nerdy little Latina girl that got bullied for wearing hand-me downs and glasses.  
When your dad finally got a new position at a different hospital and you upgraded your crappy apartment in Seattle to the massive house in Ohio, you left that girl behind you.

The thing is, this secret is starting to really eat at you and for every day that goes by, it's getting harder and harder to keep it inside.

You're really good at throwing blame at people around you though, and this is no different.

You blame all the girls. _All of them._

For being so pretty and sensual and beautiful and soft looking and ... _ugh!_ It's their fault that you're slowly but surely losing your mind.

But mostly you blame this one girl in particular.

She's in your drama class, and she is so beyond gorgeous it's not even funny.

You don't know her name, but she has the bluest eyes you've ever seen. And when your drama professor gives you all a break from class every now and then and turns the radio on, she always jumps up from where she's sitting – with the biggest and most beautiful smile you have _ever _seenshining on her face – and dances.

She can dance like you've never seen anyone dance before.

This girl has gotten you mesmerized to a point where your mind has started wandering places you've never let it wander before.

_You don't even know her name,_ yet she's been on your mind for _weeks _now.

You're pretty sure it wouldn't be that hard to get information on her because from what you've seen, she's very social and has everyone around her (except for you, you fucking chicken) eating out of the palm of her hand.  
You're also pretty sure you're the only one in your whole class who doesn't actually know her name.

Which, in all honesty; is your own damn fault.

She's even tried to talk to you in the past.  
You've seen her walking in your direction with a big smile on her face – obviously trying to get your attention – and _every time_ you've walked away to sit alone in a corner somewhere like a loser.

It's just… She makes you so nervous! Which is completely new to you; no one has ever affected you like that before.  
You've never had a crush on anyone growing up. Not one of the many guys you've dated ever made you feel even half of what she's got you feeling – which maybe should've alerted you in the past that something wasn't right with you – but you imagine this is what having one truly feels like.

You think she's smart enough to realize that you're not interested in talking to her (even though you are!) and she probably thinks you're a massive bitch (which, _well yeah_) who can't stand her (_so_ not true) and now she has just given up on trying to talk to you.

Or at least that's what you_ thought_, until you stepped out of the Auditorium Hall on this faithful Monday morning, and there she is; standing alone in the morning sun, staring at you.

You manage to wipe your sweaty hands on your jeans before she's walking determinedly towards you and for a split second you try to calculate an escape route in the short time it takes her walk up to you. Her apprehensive smile keeps you glued to the spot though.

"Hi. You're… Santana, right?" Oh God. She knows your fucking name and you can't remember what words are right now.  
You notice she's fidgeting with her hands in front of her, and you're pretty sure this is the first time you've ever seen her nervous.

You make her nervous.

Probably because she thinks you hate her.

Also, words would be great to use right now!

"Ehm. Yeah?"

Yeah, you need more than that.  
"I mean, yes. I am -" You swallow some of your nerves down,  
"- Hi."

Dumbass.

She's smiling more confidently now though, so that's good.

"I'm Brittany. It's nice to finally meet you!" She holds her hand out for you to take.

Brittany.  
_That is such a beautiful name,_ you think as you take a hold of her hand.

"Thank you." She says shyly, cheeks turning red and you only now just realize you said that out loud. You let go of her hand and clear your throat awkwardly.

"Uhm. Yeah. You're welcome."

Oh god, if any of your friends back home could see you right now. They'd never let you live this down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to like, corner you or something. It's just… We've never talked before, which I find odd, because I always make sure I at least talk to all of my classmates at some point and… I realize that might sound dumb to you, or anyone, because this is college and we have a lot of classes with a lot of people and now I'm kind of rambling, which is really lame. And you probably have someplace to be right now, like class or… a boyfriend waiting for you or something and please make me stop talking."

You can't help but smile at her, like a real, big smile – because Jesus fucking Christ, no one is that cute!

"No, it's okay. I don't… It's okay."

She's still looking at you nervously though and something inside of you just want to say or do anything to make her more comfortable.

"It's not dumb. I actually admire that you want to know all of your classmates. I'm the lame, anti social one." You wink at her.

You actually just winked at her.

She does seem more calm now though and not offended or anything, so you breathe a sigh of relief.

"Oh, good! I mean, not that it's good that you're anti social. I mean, I don't think you're anti social! I …"

She closes her eyes tightly and takes a deep breath before exhaling and you're still smiling at her – which must be some kind of record; you're not really known for smiling too much.

"Let's start over."

She holds her hand out to you again,

"Hi. I'm Brittany Pierce and sometimes I get really nervous and rambly when I'm around pretty girls I don't know."

You are so sure you've never blushed as hard as you are right now. You're holding her soft hand in yours and you've somehow forgotten how to breathe –

_Because she called you pretty._

Which is ridiculous – you know you're hot stuff, it's just… Not many people use words like 'pretty' when they describe you and something in her tone made her comment seem so utterly genuine and matter-of-factly that it caused your stomach to turn upside down.

You don't want to open your mouth because you're pretty sure you'll either let out a giggle or vomit and neither of those seem like a great response to her words.

You swallow again and shake your head to rid your ridiculous thoughts.

"It's nice to meet you, Brittany. I'm Santana Lopez, and for some reason you make me really nervous."

Okay, you didn't actually mean to say that, but she's smiling even bigger now so whatever.

"Good." She says with a glint in her eyes, and if you didn't know any better, you'd think she was flirting with you.

But you do know better, because there's no way a girl as beautiful as Brittany Pierce is gay, so you throw that thought away.

"Good." You reply lamely before you shove your hand down your pocket nervously.

She clears her throat and takes her phone out of her jacket before looking at you again,

"Okay, this might sound weird or random but… Would you maybe want to go for a coffee with me or something? Unless you actually do have to be somewhere else now or… or if you just don't want to that's okay too."

Again, you find yourself smiling at her cuteness.

"I actually have nothing to do right now so… that'd be great."

Your English professor probably wouldn't call his class 'nothing' but he also didn't just get asked to get coffee by his crush, so whatever.

She gives you one of those beaming smiles before she tells you she knows the best place to get coffee around here. You're pretty sure there's only really one place on this part of your campus where they serve coffee, but you nod at her and tell her to lead the way as if you've never been there before. She seems so excited to introduce you to this secret coffee place so you play along and let her take you on this great journey.

* * *

You're not really shocked when she leads you to The Cup, but you acted awed when she led you through the door.

"Tada!" She exclaims excitedly when the little bell above your head chimes at your arrival.

"Wow, this place seems great!" You look around and bite your lip to quell the laugh that's bubbling in your throat.

You feel so giddy, even though the walk here only took about 3 minutes, and your somewhat awkward but cute talk outside of the Auditorium Hall only lasted for a few minutes longer than that; she seems to have this crazy effect on you where you just can't stop smiling.

"Hey Santana!" Tina, the girl behind the counter calls out as soon as she spots you.

You can see Brittany throwing you a confused glance as Tina asks you if you want your usual.

You give her a nod before you dare to turn your head in Brittany's direction; only to find her smirking at you.

"So… You've totally been here before. And… now I feel kind of stupid." She's smiling as she saying it, but you can detect a hint of embarrassment in her tone.

"Please don't. It was just really cute how excited you were about this place. I didn't want to ruin your moment by spilling the truth." You throw in another wink in her direction and your heart seems to skip a beat when she bites her lip coyly at the action.

"And the truth is?" She's dragging her words out in this really cute way that makes you just want to… not think about doing anything to her because focus!

"I used to work here." You tell her, shrugging your shoulders.

"Oh?! Now I'm kind of jealous. You got to be literally seconds away from the best coffee on the planet!"

You laugh, because _yeah_ – working here for a few weeks before your semester started certainly had its perks.

"Mhmm! It was pretty awesome."

She narrows her eyes at you and is just about to say something when Tina brings your order to the counter whilst simultaneously focusing her attention on Brittany, politely asking if she'd like to order something.

"Uhm." Brittany puts her pointer finger up to her lips, concentrating hard on the board above Tina's head where all the drinks are written out.

"I… think I'll go with…" She's doing this cute thing where her eyes keep flickering back and forth between the various drinks in a hurried manner, before she settles on;

"A Vanilla Strawberry Cappuccino with extra whip cream, please."

It's number 23 on the board and you wonder if that means something to her or if she really just likes that flavor.

"Eeny meeny miny moe." She tells you as she catches you staring at her.

"Huh?" You ask, because _what?_

"I never get the same thing twice here. Unless I land on it again in my head, then I kind of have to, you know? Otherwise it's cheating and I don't cheat."

Again you just smile because _of course _she was thinking about a rhyme in her head to help her decide what to get. It just fits her so perfectly that your cheeks actually hurt a little from the size of your smile.

You're startled yet again by Tina interrupting and you notice she's giving you a confused look.

She probably thinks you're high or something, because in the 6 weeks that you worked here with her, she could probably count the number of times she saw you smiling on just one hand.

And even then she never saw you smile quite just like this. You lift your eyebrow at her as if to ask 'what are you looking at?' and she quickly hands Brittany her change back before scampering off to the other side of the counter. You feel a little bad, because Tina's a good person in your books, but you're still working on that whole 'not being a bitch' thing and so far only one person has gotten you to feel comfortable enough to just let go a little.

And that person is currently giggling at you right now.

"Jeez, what was that? Did you see how fast you made her disappear? Are you a magician?"

She's still giggling, and God help you, but you find yourself letting a giggle loose from your throat.  
It seems like she wasn't expecting that because next thing you know, she's grabbing a hold of your arm, trying to keep herself from falling over with her laughter.

"Oh my god, that was the cutest thing I've ever heard!"

You know you're blushing, because your whole face is on fire, but then again – her hand is holding your arm, so you're not really giving a shit about that embarrassing giggle right now.  
You really just want her to keep her grip on your arm.

Oh God, you're one of those creepy people who think about not washing whatever clothing item someone they really admire just touched.

For a split second you even contemplate framing this sweater when you get to your dorm later to make sure it's forever untouched by anyone else – but then you snap yourself out of it.

"Can we please forget that I just made that noise? I'll buy you whatever you want from the deli counter!"

She's still giggling at you, but now she's glancing towards the glass covered part of the counter where freshly baked sandwiches and cookies lay; looking all kinds of delicious.  
You're biting your lip to keep from smiling too big when you watch her try her best to put on a serious face.

"Deal." She's still smiling, but there's no way you're not getting her something now.

Fuck it, you'll buy her the whole damn café if she keeps looking at you like that – _and she's still holding your arm!_

"What do you want?"

You mouth has gone all kinds of dry, because she's still looking at you, and there's something in her eyes that are telling you that… _no,_ okay, you're getting delusional now because there's no way.

You look away from her and try to catch Tina's attention. She still seems a little apprehensive about you after that whole glaring eyebrow thing you gave her earlier, but you send her a calm smile to let her know you're not upset with her or whatever.

She seems to get it, because she's walking over to your part of the counter again with a small smile on her lips.

"Can I get you guys anything else?"

Brittany snaps her head in Tina's direction and you wonder if she was looking at you that whole time, but then you stop – because seriously Santana, get a fucking grip.

"Yes. Britts here would like a …?" You leave the sentence open and look at her to get her answer when you notice that she's staring at you again.  
Now you really are sure that there's something else glinting in her eyes; something else hiding behind that smile – you just don't know what it means yet.

"What?" You ask, a little self-consciously, when she's still just looking at you. She shakes her head a little dazedly before looking back at Tina.

"Uhm. Can I please have a pink cookie?"

* * *

You're sitting at a smaller table near the back of the café, waiting on Brittany to get back from making a phone call.

Part of you is really curious to ask about who she's talking to, but another part of you doesn't want to come off as being too nosey; so when she sits back down with that beautiful smile on her face, you pick something random off of the top of your head to talk about.

"So, pink cookies?"

Wow. Santana Lopez, you are one smooth bastard.

She giggles at you and you swear you've become addicted to that sound already.

"Don't tell anyone but…" She's leaning forward as if she's about to tell you a big secret,

"I always pick the same thing to eat when I'm here." She whispers,

You can't stop the tiny giggle from leaving your throat, and from the smile it brought to her face, you're actually glad you didn't.

"I know it's not as cool as playing Eeny Meeny and having to get whatever you land on. But this one time I landed on one of those big cakes and not only was it really expensive, but it made me really sick because of the kiwi on top of it."

You almost don't want to ask, but you feel like you need to know this,

"Why? Britt, are you allergic to kiwi or something?"

She's looking at you like that again; the exact same way she did at the counter when you waited for her to tell you what she wanted you to get her.

"Yeah, but whatever. Hey… I really like that!"

She's giving you a shy expression and biting her lip, but you scrunch your eyebrows together in confusion,

"You like that you're allergic to kiwi?"

She giggles again – you really need to record that so you can listen to it all of the time!

"No, silly. I like that you call me Britt."

Your eyes widen, because you honestly hadn't even thought about it when you said it out loud. It just felt natural.

"Oh. I'm sorry; I have this thing that I do where I give people nicknames without really thinking about it. –"  
"- But hey, it could be worse, I'm usually good at coming up with really mean ones."

You wink at her again. This is what, your third time now?

She's still smiling, so you don't think she has a problem with your seemingly twitching eye problem.

"No, I really like it. And I'm glad it's not a mean one." She winks back at you.

She actually just winked back at you.

You swallow nervously, because even though you've been really sure that your (very) vivid imagination has been playing tricks on you – a small part of you seriously believe she's flirting with you right now.

Or maybe that's just how she is with everyone?

God, you are such a noob at this gay thing Santana!

"So, anyways… What's your Major?"

Brittany just took a huge bite out of her pink cookie so she's holding her finger up to you as she's finishing chewing. You find it adorable – like everything else that she does.

"Sorry. Big bite! –" She smiles at you before continuing,  
"- My major is Dance. I chose Drama as my second subject because I used to be in this little theatre club in High School, and I kind of love playing different characters."

Dance. Of course it is! It fits her perfectly. Wow, there really does not seem to be a single negative thing about her.

"I actually would've guessed that. You always dance really well whenever Miss Holiday puts the radio on at breaks."

You detect a rose colored blush at her cheeks before she ducks her head down and her hair falls down to cover her face.

"Thank you." Brittany takes a sip from her cappuccino before locking her eyes on you.

"I'm trying to imagine what your Major is… but it's kind of hard. Will you give me a hint?"

You smile and hold up your arm, dragging the sleeve of your shirt back a little to show off the small music cleft you've got tattooed on the side of your right arm. It's more near your hand than your elbow, and it's really not bigger than a cherry, but you're still proud of having it inked on your body for life.

"Wow! That's so cool!" Brittany says as she reaches for your arm to carefully drag her fingers over your tattoo.

There's no way she doesn't notice the goose bumps that just formed on your skin or the way the tiny little hairs are all standing to attention at her touch.

"So… Music Major? Wait, do you sing?"

She's sounding so excited, and when you give her a nod she claps her hands enthusiastically.

"That is so awesome, San! You have to sing to me sometime!"

Aaand your world kind of stopped for a second, because damn!

_San._

She called you San!

Now you've got goose bumps _all_ over your body.

And if this is how Brittany felt earlier when you called her Britt… You're not going to go there, but _if _– no. Just… Don't get your hopes up!

She snaps you out of your thoughts by excitedly exclaiming;

"Let's play 20 questions?!" And you can't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

"Sure."

"Okay! What's your favorite color?"

"Oh, I don't know. I like black. And red; red's kind of my color. What about yours?" You ask her before taking a sip from your coffee,

"Mmm… rainbow!"

An actual to God snort just left your nose.

"Rainbow?"

Brittany's nodding, like her answer was the most natural one in the world.

"I like all the colors so… rainbow."

That makes sense.

"Okay. I'll accept that answer! -" You wink at her and she giggles,  
"- Who's your best friend?"

"My best friend's name is Rachel, and even though I've never asked, I'm pretty sure she's a little person." She leans forward in her seat again and whispers to you just like before,  
"They don't like being called dwarfs, although I don't know why not, because I think it sounds really cool."

You have to cover your mouth when you laugh because you didn't have time to swallow the coffee in your mouth first. She asks you the same question as you wipe your lips with a napkin.

"My bestie is Quinn. She's currently off in New Haven, having a splendidly boring time at Yale."

"Ooh, a smarty-pants! That must suck though, not having your best friend near you over here."

You nod, because _yeah,_ you miss that bitch. Although Quinn and yours friendship has always been a bit unorthodox, so it's probably a good that you don't see too much of each other. _Absence makes the heart grow fonder_, or whatever it was your Abuela used to say.

"I'm lucky, because I get to see Rachel every day."

"That's cool." You smile at her,

Your round of 20 questions pretty much sets off for real after that;

"Favorite food?"  
"Food."  
"Wait… that's your answer?"  
"I love food. Duh."  
"Huh. You know what? I'll go with your answer as well."

"What's your biggest fear?"  
"Paper cuts, but like, in your eye? It's weird, I know. What about yours?"  
"That's actually a scary one. But, probably… falling asleep on an airplane and waking up in another country. That always happened to me when I took the bus to visit my nana."

"Favorite holiday?"  
"Thanksgiving, for sure."  
"I wish we had Christmas all year around."

"Who were you talking to on the phone earlier?"  
"That's not part of 20 questions, Santana, because I can't ask you that back since you haven't talked on your phone."  
"What if I just say who I spoke to last on my phone?"  
"Okay"  
"The pizza place down the corner, you know, that one next to the 7/11 store?"  
"Okay, you know what? I take it back. Your answer is not acceptable."

Brittany laughs at your lame excuse to get an answer out of her. She keeps the questions coming though so you don't have time to worry about her finding you too nosey just yet.

"Lady Gaga or Katy Perry?"  
"Psh, Lady Gaga for sure."  
"Agreed. I'm beautiful in my way, because God makes no mistakes." You laugh when she snaps her finger at you all sassily.

"What's your favorite sexual position?"  
You splutter,  
"Brittany!?" She rolls her eyes,  
"Fine, we'll jump that question."

"Okay, my turn-" You squint your eyes as you try to think of something good to ask her,  
"- Summer days on the beach or winter nights cuddled up to a fire?"  
"That's a cute one. Uhm, can I say both?"  
"Sure. But let's make it harder to decide; fruity drinks on the beach or marshmallows for the fire?"  
"I still say both."  
"Smart choice."

"Wait, I got a good one. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Nope." Brittany purses her lips at your answer and you nod awkwardly.

"What about you, do you have a boyfriend?"

She shakes her head and another question pops up in your thoughts.

You don't know what it is that makes you ask her, but something inside of you takes charge and throws it out in what's supposed to be a joking matter but ends up sounding a lot more serious,

"Girlfriend?"

She looks down and at first you think she's embarrassed by the insinuation of her being with another girl, but then you look closer and you realize that it's not embarrassment; it's guilt.

"Sort of." She says and for some reason you feel as though your whole world just fell apart.

Because Brittany has a "_sort of"_ girlfriend.

* * *

_**What do you guys think? Should I keep going with this one?**_


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